‘Mum? Muuuum?! Come and see whats under my bed… but please don’t be mad!’ My wide eyed daughter takes my hand and leads me towards her room. This is my more unpredictable and free spirited child, so it could literally be anything under there. A tree branch? A snail she stood on and felt sorry for? A sculpture made out of mouldy stuff from the fridge? Who knows but i’m a little scared right now.
When I started writing this blog I wanted it to be a place of encouragement and joy, and I wanted to be real with you and bring you along on my journey of learning and growing. I hoped that through my many mishaps and challenges you could perhaps find some insight and awareness for you and your life, and that you could hopefully laugh at yourself through laughing at me!
Parenting can be a bit tricky sometimes.
There will be some days that I find myself despairing about my lack of skill and knowledge in this department, feeling fearful of letting my children down due to my inability to make decisions, not knowing exactly what I should be doing with them. I sometimes feel I must have missed the memo somewhere- the one that ALL the other parents got, the one that has some magic wisdom of getting your child to listen and obey, and just act normally.
Some days I feel like that.
What causes us to want to flee when things get too difficult, or too painful? What makes us seek out unhelpful distractions as a way to relieve tension, but not actually face what is going on? Rather then deal with the reality of the difficult issues in our lives, we sometimes attempt to escape them.
Having a baby shakes up your world, on a practical level but also on a deeply emotional level. I found that not just my daily life and relationships were changed, but my very identity came into question.
Before I had my first baby, I thought I knew myself reasonably well, my faults and failures and where I excelled. I thought I knew my good and bad points but these are now all suddenly magnified and tested as you are pushed to your very limit and a just bit further.
I am upstairs with my baby boy, rocking and singing and swaying and patting. I’m hoping he will fall asleep soon, my arm is starting to go dead and I just so badly want to put him down so I can go downstairs and read one of my parenting blogs I save especially for nap time.
It was in this moment God spoke to me and reminded me just to stop and listen to His guidance.